hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
