where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
