I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
