He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
