well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
A+ Viking dick
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
