Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm passing your future prison.
my shit smells like andre
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
