My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
