Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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