so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So much rum. So many feels.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
