So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
