so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
