Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
