so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
