So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
