she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
