I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
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You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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