What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
