I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
