i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
