I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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