I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
pop tarts are not kleenex
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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