Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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