Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
