dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
