Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize