When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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