dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
