Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
