i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I love having hate sex.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
