I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize