I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
