five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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