i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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