I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
