I'm going to jail i love you
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
