Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
