i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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