There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
