i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My liver just had a heart attack.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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