If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
