I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Your cock deserves a montage
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
