I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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