??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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