Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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