if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
