i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
