I just cut my nipple shaving
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
