One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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