He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
