I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
