so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
