Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize