I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
only you would photoshop your dick
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
