before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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