I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
