I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
