Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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