I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
