so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Drake has all the answers
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
