You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
