May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
