Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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