so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize