Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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