Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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