she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I smell like Dick and happiness
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
